Wake me up please!

Wake me up please 09-24-2006 at 01:42 AM

I hate waking up in the middle of the night 'coz my stomach suddenly get upset. It is fit for the phrase that I have butterflies in my stomach. I don't know it just always happens. But last week its kinda different.

It was Monday around 3am that I woke up and feel the uneasiness. Maybe it was brought up also by the idea that afternoon I will start training for a new account. Guess I'm tensed and stressed on the idea on how will it be like to be in that new account.It would be a different environment. Different from where I am accustomed for a year now working for IBM. I'll meet new faces. I'll have a new immediate supervisor.It's like I'm again removed from my comfort zone. Of course you have to get on with it and take new challenges, its a cycle... You need to be responsible of yourself and the decisions that you are making.

Then I remembered my mom again and I started to cry. I don't know, maybe because of this new phase that I will be in. I used to tell her about this account where I will be transferring . I mentioned that I was excited about this. I informed her about the interview that I went and how this will be a relief because I wont be able to get irate callers that I used to have on the previous account. It saddens me that I won't be able to tell her that day will be my first day. It saddens me more to think that there will be more events that will happen in my life that I won't be able to tell to her personally. Especially when I used to tell all my stories to her. She was the first one who have seen my first drawings, she's the one who taught me my first songs ("ako ay may lobo" if I remember it right) and first poem ("tutubi tutubi"). I know I still have my dad and my siblings but you know that its different.

If I can shout at that moment how I am hurt and how I miss my mom so badly that morning I would have done it!

If only shouting in the middle of the night is not against our norms...

I wish I am just dreaming and if only someone can wake me up...